What Seeds Are Sprouting?

As I take time to turn inward and contemplate the deeper inner meaning of the spring equinox, I can’t help but ponder what seeds are starting to sprout in the garden of my heart and mind? What has cracked open within that needs cultivation? What weeds might need to be rooted out in order for my whole self to flourish?

The external world can shine a light on what might be hidden underneath the surface. I have been deeply feeling the unstable and chaotic energy that is attempting to pull me into uncertainty, fear, and doubt. The world is on fire and here I am in my own little world just trying to do the best I can with what I have. Is that enough? It doesn’t seem like it, and yet, deep down I am trusting that it is. 

This winter has also excavated my heart in ways I wasn’t fully prepared for, as I am being called to find greater alignment both within the core of who I am and how I choose to show up in the world. These seeds were planted long ago, and it has been a gradual process of uncovering what has been true within myself all along. I find it ironic that it was last spring where I recognized the critical importance of exerting my own energy and taking up space rather than absorbing the energies around me. Last spring cultivated the need for deep presence which allows for active listening, authentic boundaries, and speaking truth in kindness. These were the seeds starting to break through the surface, offering their little seedlings the light of day. 

One full year has passed with me stumbling and tripping over the weeds still creeping up, threatening to smash this new little seedling of authenticity, and yet, that seedling developed strength and tenacity as I continued to turn inward, become curious, and weed out my own garden. Friendships fell by the wayside as I exerted boundaries and owned how I chose to show up in the world.  My attempts at speaking truth in kindness fell on deaf ears, offering me deeper wisdom in trusting that it is my duty to speak truth and allow the outcomes to play out naturally. I recognized how my playing small was not helping anyone while deeply harming my own sense of worth and value in the process.  

The ground surrounding my seedling that was originally holding on tightly to outcomes had loosened. It gave space for air and light to enter, and the seedling had a chance to breathe, recognizing the power in standing tall on values, principles, and how I choose to show up in the world. The weeds of masking myself to be liked and accepted were being uprooted, and in its place, seeds of inner belonging were being planted. 

What is coming out of those seeds of inner belonging? The ground is breaking and revealing what no longer aligns with where I am headed in life. The light of the sun is shining on the ways I’m being drawn towards deeper authenticity and integrity through continuing to bring conscious awareness to the ways I shrink myself, am excessively agreeable to keep the peace, or mask parts of me that might make others uncomfortable. This is a continual process because, just like my own garden, the weeds have a tendency to creep up when we least expect it. 

So, how do we uproot what no longer belongs? Well, in the literal garden, I would like to take a pick axe to it all, but even then I know that’s ultimately the wrong approach to take. Uprooting what no longer belongs means sitting in the dirt and the mess for a bit, analyzing where the roots of these traits came from, and seeking to compassionately dig out those roots with care and attention. Through becoming curious about my own inner landscape, I have been able to recognize the ways parts of me came out to protect myself, even if those parts were misguided in their approach.  

I have found myself diving deeper into self-compassion and self-forgiveness for the ways I abandoned the best parts of myself for the sake of trying to fit in. I have offered those abandoned and exiled parts a chance to teach me what they need and how they desire to support my seedling of authenticity. Those abandoned and exiled parts are getting new life as I recognize the importance of being honest with myself and with those around me. If I don’t tell others what I need, then there is zero chance for those needs to be met. Likewise, if I don’t get quiet and become curious about what I truly need, then again there is zero chance those needs will be met. 

Ultimately, it is up to me to teach others how I desire to be treated through being real, honest, and authentic, even if it is initially uncomfortable. Dr. Gabor Maté speaks about the root of aggression is often frustration, and the root of frustration is unmet needs. I would also like to propose that the root of codependency and the pull for us to abandon ourselves for the sake of others’ comfort lies in the desire to get our needs met outside of ourselves. I don’t know about you, but I know one of my greatest challenges has actually been to voice my needs to others. How could they possibly meet a need they don’t know about? And yet, when others don’t meet those needs (whether spoken or unspoken), what creeps up? Frustration. 

The more we seek to plant seeds of inner worth, value, and empowerment, the greater opportunity we have to witness our deepest needs and desires being met from the inside through becoming courageous in speaking our needs, setting boundaries around our time and energy, and choosing to cultivate deeper purpose and meaning from within ourselves. This does require a lot of work, patience, and honesty within ourselves. It is not a fast process, but just like my desire to use a pick axe appears to be the faster and easier approach, the quick fix often leads to greater destruction. 

So, I want to ask you, what within you is trying to come to the surface and what would it take to cultivate more of who you actually are? What weeds need to be consciously uprooted to allow more of your inherent worth and value to shine brightly? What parts of yourself could use a patient friend willing to deeply listen and understand the needs that lie beneath the external reactions and responses to life’s circumstances? What do you desire to breathe into your life so that life can flow through you in greater alignment to your highest self and deepest values? 

It is my hope and prayer that you can take some time over this weekend to pause, turn silent, and see what might come up for you that you wish to cultivate as spring invites us into new growth and awareness. 

Wishing you well in all ways!