Anxiety Likes to Lie

I found a quote that I really appreciated, especially as I found myself gripped by anxiety and my inner critic throwing doubt on the journey I have elected to take this year. The quote says:

Your anxiety will always tell you the worst case scenario. It is a liar, do not listen to it.

-courtesy of: selfcarexpress via Facebook

In this blog post, I want to take some time to address: the inner critic, playing the what if game, and getting stuck in future focus. How do we address these normal human reactions to change, upheaval, or taking risks? Let's dive in!

Anxiety Showing Up Through the Inner Critic:

We all have that pesky devil on one shoulder screaming at us: you're not good enough, you don't have the right skills, you're not ready, or in my case, "have you lost your mind???"

The inner critic often arises when we find ourselves desiring to take a leap of faith, chart a new course, or take our lives in a new direction. But, it can also show up when we become paralyzed by perfectionism.

So, how does the inner critic develop? Often, it is through societal conditioning and hearing these very words coming from other people in our lives. Alas! We are also likely of offering these words to others at some point, even without realizing it! The inner critic is often rooted in stories surrounding shame, and unfortunately, these stories end up getting stuck and ingrained, especially if there are any consistent themes repeating themselves over the years.

Here's a key factor with the inner critic-because it is rooted in shame and insecurity, it believes it needs to shout as a futile attempt to keep us safe. This inner critic often becomes the loudest voice we hear, and it can throw us into the depths of self-doubt and anxiety in an instant, especially if we begin to believe its false narratives.

So, what are we to do? Well, let me offer you a personal example from my own recent experience. I have just returned from India, knowing full well that I am taking a leap of faith that will require discipline and determination. This leap of faith is significant enough that my inner critic has latched onto a consistent narrative: "have you lost your mind? What are you thinking? You're not ready to take this giant leap."

This is where I took some time to pause, become curious, and access my wise self. I am now responding to this loud shout with comedy. "Well, yes. I have lost my mind. Fortunately I am aware enough to know that when I lose my mind, my heart gets to lead the way, and I'm gonna follow my heart."

Flip the script, change the narrative, or mirror back in some comical way and the inner critic doesn't have a chance. In one of the retreat classes I attended recently, the speaker encouraged us to play the opposite game. Whatever negative belief comes into our mind, we can consciously choose to respond with an opposite narrative-one that is positively framed. We need to consciously feed our minds postive thoughts in order to create new neural patterns that support upward movement and growth.

Take a moment to think about one of the most common inner critic narratives you face. Write it down, then try to come up with 2 or 3 different reframed responses. Please make sure these responses are things that you can emphatically state, because the more positive emphasis we place on these statements, the greater chance they have of creating traction in our minds and hearts.

Playing the What If Game

I'm sure you have all been there. What if I fail? What if something bad happens? What if I am not good enough? What if, what if, what if...

And yet, there's another what if game we can play:

What if I succeed?

What if everything goes right?

We can also play another game that pulls us more into the present moment:

What is my current reality?

What is true?

What is my next baby step of action?

As we tap into the present moment, we will often find our anxiety calms down and we can tap back into clarity and creativity to move us forward.

So, with the above scenario coming from the inner critic, my what if was clearly "what if you fail? What if your business never launches?"

And yet, the mental images playing out in my head when I flip it to "what if I succeed," opens me up to a new, empowering reality that I play with. Research shows the power of belief in creating self-fulfilling prophecies, therefore creating a more postive inner narrative will help us cultivate a more positive life overall.

Asking myself what is true brings me back to the God-given gifts I have mercifully received and my desire to use those gifts in service to others. Asking ,"What is true," helps me to see the successes I have had in building up my skill set and confidence. Asking waht is my next baby step of action reminds me that it is the effort that counts more than the outcome. Those who never try have a 100% failure rate, so the greatest way to fail is to stay stuck and never step out on a limb.

How can you flip the what if game on its head in your own life? How would writing out counter statements to the what if statements holding you back help you see from a new perspective? What grounding practices can help you lean into and appreciate what is at this very moment?

Freeing Ourselves From Future Focus:

How often do you find yourself thinking a million miles ahead? How often do you fail to take a step forward because you believe you must be perfect?

One of the greatest challenges of the human mind is the ability for it to get stuck in lamenting the past or fearing the future. We rarely spend time appreciating or living in the present moment.

Take a look around you at all the other living beings. They are focused almost entirely on the present moment. And yet, us humans get caught in sticky webs that keep us from taking action. Doubt, fear, and anxiety all creep in at various points.

So, having an action plan for when these challenges arise can help us upgrade the narrative and ground back into our present reality. The power of grounding practices cannot be understated. When you find tools that help you ground back into the present moment, you will often feel you come back to yourself, feeling what your body and mind need at this moment to calm and release the anxiety of what is to come next.

Journaling, walking in nature, standing or laying on the grass and deeply connecting with the earth, or yoga/tai chi/qi gong can all help ground you into the present moment where you can see all that is good and beautiful around you.

While in India, I found myself in deep need of grounding and offering my poor, overloaded sensory and nervous system permission to release the overwhelm and relax into the moment. I needed to find a quiet and serene space where I could be off in a corner, curled up in a ball, and breathe deeply while repeating, "It's okay. You're overwhelmed. I see you. You are safe and you can relax."

Instead of panicking over the excessive noise swirling around me and fearing what that would do to my ability to sleep, I elected to pause, breathe, and reset. I took action to get myself into a more calm environment which allowed for me to pull into my grounding techniques.

Since I returned home, that future focus monkey has been chattering away. Feeling unwell from a constant cough and lack of sleep, that monkey got free reigns to take me down the rabbit hole of doubt and insecurity while keeping me paralyzed from even doing the most basic tasks. And yet, once I finally was able to ground into the present moment, clean up my living space, reduce the external clutter, and get back to some basic tasks, the monkey quieted down and allowed me to see my one next step forward.

Instead of looking at the 5 year, 1 year, or even 3 month goals we have in front of us, we can pause and ask, "what is the next step?" By focusing on one next step after another, the journey of a thousand miles turns from daunting and unachievable to manageable and actually quite exciting, especially if that journey is leading us to greater alignment with who we are and authentic living.

As you can see, combatting anxiety can be a lifelong process. And yet, when we find the tools and techniques that help tame the anxiety, we can more readily return to the present moment where everything is okay, clarity can enter, and we become curious and excited about the next adventure.

Remembering the journey is filled with experimentation and trying various tools and techniques until we find what resonates with us can help us stay rooted in a growth mindset. It is this growth mindset that helps us see from a variety of perspectives, find new doors that may be cracked open, and tap into courage to step forward with confidence.

Call to Action:

How are you going to actively work with the wisdom offered and implement it into your daily life? What resonated with you that you would like to explore further? What method of exploration will help the wisdom stick?

Want to dive deeper one-on-one to see how personalized coaching can support your own amazing transformation? Please email or text with a request for a free 30-minute discovery call today!

nartaki@nourishedheartswellness.com

+1 801-718-0864 (text preferred)

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In loving service,

Stephanie Nartaki Heinhold

Inspired by the following image on Facebook by @selfcarexpress: