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Challenging Inner Beliefs and Narratives with Curiosity and Compassion
- Nartaki
- Apr 2
- 5 min read
Updated: Apr 6
How often do we get stuck in a rut of negative self-talk, believing in limiting narratives, or falling into making assumptions before actually taking time to stop and question our interactions with ourselves, others, or the world around us? I know I get caught in this cycle more than I would like, and admit it takes a lot of effort, practice, and patience to pause, breathe, and question.
Our beliefs about ourselves, the world around us, and others are often shaped by learned tendencies and prior conditioning. These are set up as a self-perpetuating feedback loop, especially if left unchecked or unquestioned. How does this happen? Our minds tend to seek out evidence to reinforce our belief systems and inner narratives. Our minds have an amazing capacity to shape the lens through which we see ourselves and the world around us. If we are feeding our minds beliefs that keep us locked into shame, fear, anxiety, and limitations then we will naturally seek confirmation of those beliefs through our actions and interpretations of our circumstances. If, however, we believe we are kind, compassionate, empowered, strong, and capable then we will find evidence for that. What we feed our minds plays an important role in how we live our lives.
The thing that differentiates us humans from our animal friends is the capacity to actively process through and bring reasoning into how we live our lives. This is a higher consciousness function which requires effort to activate, particularly in stressful or new situations where our default is to retreat to safety through whatever means possible. The problem many of us are facing now is mindlessly believing the narratives of our lower consciousness which is often stuck in loops of negative self-talk, believing the shame placed on us by others, or constantly on high alert due to prior traumas and abuses. These beliefs and parts of us can easily get stuck in a feedback loop that previously worked to keep us safe and protected, but which also doesn’t allow our higher consciousness and our higher reasoning capacity to come in and change that narrative very easily. What I’m thinking of here is that wild and silly inner critic that keeps chattering at us, feeding us lies that no longer serve our highest potential because it’s striving to keep us safe and protected.
It has taken a lot of effort over the years to challenge my own inner critic and the external narratives placed upon me which were keeping me locked into patterns of feeling unworthy, voiceless, and small. I listened to a talk the other day which offered me an “aha” moment in recognizing what it has taken for me to change my own belief system, calm that inner critic, and tap into my higher reasoning capacity.
The speakers mentioned that judgement cannot live where curiosity resides. Early on in my journey of PTSD healing, my counselor encouraged me to question my inner narrative with “is it true? What evidence do you have that it is true? If it is not true, then what may actually be true? What evidence do you have for this new truth?” Curiosity! If we approach our fears, anxieties, pains, inner critic and underlying beliefs with curiosity, then they do have a tendency to relax back, allowing our higher consciousness to shed light on reality. These questions offered enough of a pause for my brain to kick out of fight or flight, allowing my reasoning capacity to return and shed needed light so I could see from a more broad and real perspective.
The more I have stepped back to understand what it still takes to challenge my own inner critic, it is offering a compassionate and curious listening ear. When I take time to ask my various parts that take over, “what are you protecting me from? What are you afraid of? How can I support you,” they often do offer answers which allow them to feel seen, heard, and appreciated. Is curiosity really one of the key gateways to changing the narratives that are keeping us stuck in negative feedback loops? It seems that is a great possibility.
Becoming genuinely curious and the capacity to simply ask a question taps into our higher functioning, allowing reasoning and a more broad perspective to come through. Curiosity requires us to become vulnerable, to shed light on these parts of ourselves which are reacting from spaces of fear, pain, or anxiety, and to offer loving and compassionate support instead of shoving them back into the closet or expressing them out to the world in destructive ways. Curiosity and compassion, when brought to the table of how we handle ourselves in particular, can truly be the catalyst for transforming our narratives, changing our belief systems, and entering into spaces of greater empowerment because we are tapping into our core selves which are naturally curious and knowledgeable.
The very same talk I listened to spoke about how shame cannot remain where vulnerability and integrity reside. Beliefs that feed shame need to be questioned and challenged, but the methods we choose are also crucial. We cannot beat our shame with a stick and make it behave. It will only scream louder. But, if we are courageous enough to become vulnerable and compassionately curious, then our inner world can shed light on the beliefs that are feeding that inner shame so that we can consciously change the narrative. Actively seeking new evidence that contradicts what our inner critic has been feeding us takes a lot of effort, patience, and opening our eyes to see the goodness around us.
The more we challenge our belief systems and our parts which are trying to protect us with a mood of curiosity, the greater opportunity we have to see contradicting evidence. Our minds and hearts will open up to evidence that points to our inner worth, our inner strength, our inner empowerment. The more we can shed light on these aspects, the more they will actively show up in our lives. Every moment we approach ourselves or others with curiosity, we are cracking the door open, allowing the light of higher wisdom to change the narrative that has gotten stuck so a new narrative and a new path of growth can emerge.
What questions can you think of to compassionately challenge your own self-limiting beliefs and inner narratives? How does curiosity show up for you? In what ways can you harness your inner curiosity to shed light on that which needs to be healed with loving compassion?
References:
Loving What Is: Four Questions that can Change Your LIfe by Byron Katie
No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz
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